puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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