I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize