your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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