Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
