i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want nice things and good sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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