woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
