sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
