i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
