Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
