if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dear god my vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
