Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
