if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
