I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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