Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
