The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
