Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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