I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
