i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
