fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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