i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
