She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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