4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
