Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
