Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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