Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
