I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
