well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
