We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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