i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
