stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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