Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
