Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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