when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
