dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
