We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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