in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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