my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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