"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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