we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
