I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
