there's paper in my vomit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
