:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
