Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
