Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
