I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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