put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
