OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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