Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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