Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize