Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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