3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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