**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
