hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
