Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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