you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
