I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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