Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
