We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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