tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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