Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
