Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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