I wish I could teleport
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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