We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize