if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
