porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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