when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Houston, we have a squirter
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
