I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
