He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
