That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
